Well,here is a start of my very own blog again..
and now,its a secret blog,noone is supposed to kno about it,
so theres not gonna be any tagbox,so irritating buggers out there,
u can kiss my ass for even thinking of criticizing..hah,dumbasses...
u got something to say,tell it to me urself without any mediums,
just old plain face to face talk,no phones,no internet,no letters kinda bullshit..

So for now,ill call u Sammy from now on..
i need someone to hear me out,so,ill give u a name,
making u sound like a human..ahaha

well here goes,cheers for restarting of our reunion Sammy..
ill be starting my post in...
3..
2.
1

Well,what ive felt recently is some kinda pain going on in me,literally
a pain..an indescribable pain that really kinda burning or
chewing or even stabbing kinda feeling going on inside of me..

What happened was i,being happy and all from the last semester of my poly,
i felt this thing,this i dunno what thing growing in me,

slowly,during the holidays,problems start to pop out..
i dunno why,the first thing that came out flying to my face was my very best
bud,Khairul aka Kai Ciner,Kai Shadows or even Kai Sachok,kinda left me
alone,he was all mad and all,i dunno why..
Was it something i said?
Was it something i did?
OR EVEN WORSE,
Was it something people said about me to you?

well buddy,trust me,what ive said to others about u was only just to defend
your name or the sake of your image,believe me,
i treat you like you are really a part of my own family..

The next problem is about me,losing my candidature in NYP..

i know that its totally my fault to do all those unnecessary stuff when i was in there,
and i regret doing it,seriously,if i was to turn back the clock,

i would have knocked myself senseless for being the jackass that i was..
and now,all i can do or go is to ite to apply for a course of study..

well,i hope my brothers in poly stay that way,i mean as in stay in poly,
and to really realise that they really need to get back to studying,i wish them all
the best,and those who knows me in NYP,good luck with ur future,
for wad u do now,will affect your future in life..
im lazy to type out what really actually happened now,so ill maybe write it
down in my upcoming posts..

The next one and hopefully my last is what broke me down and
tore me down to my tears,i dunno why,but this girl i kno of,

she was different from all those i knew of before,she was all that i wanted,

a minute with her was like a minute free of problems when times are happy

that is..i knew we had our differences and all that,but with effort,

we could overcome everything..she was my everything,she was
what i based my life upon..when that fateful day came,it seriously

was the worse thing i have ever felt,it was all i have left,i wouldnt
want to lose her like howd i lost my father..losing a loved one is the worse

a guy can ever feel..my feelings towards her was the most strongest affectionate

feeling that ive ever came across,she was my life,she was my everything..
that last day was all my fault,i have even blame myself for being that stupid
of just letting u slip away,it was all because of a small mistake i made that
escalated to its very worst..all humans make mistakes,that is what make us human..

i am really kinda down in the dumps now,i cant stop blaming myself
for being the fool that ive been..

now,all i want is for her to give me a second chance,i know there are better
looking guys out there..hais~..im soo foolish,
for what i had was the very best thing in life that money cant buy,
and i took it for granted,i just hope that if god is willing,he would
lighten her heart and make her see that who i truly am and
how sorry i am for making this whole mess of ours..
she was the only one who had me crying like when i knew
my father had just passed away in Indonesia..it has been years since
i broke down to that extent,the last was when i knew my
father was dead..please Natasya,if u were to ever find
this blog somewhere in the net,i, Shahzli, am trully sincerely sorry for
that thing to happen between us,i may put up a brave front
here and there,but im always that soft sensitive
person inside..all ive ever wanted was for u to have fun and all that..
ive always been concerned about your very wellbeing,all i
ever wanted was to protect you from harm,for you see that
there are 'animals' out there who may prey on you for
their 'needs'..i kno that i may look like one of them,but all i am
and will ever be is this kid who puts the burden of the world
and places it on his own shoulders thinking

he could handle it alone also the one who tries to protect
all the woman in the world from all those predatory eyes
of lust,as i am a brother of one little sister and i wouldnt want any of that to happen

to her when shes alot older than she is now..
so,i just wanna say to u, Natasya,that im trully sorry for i

had made a sin for hurting u and i never meant

to hurt u,i regreted saying all those hurtful things to you,i am trully
sorry for i am just a burden to your eyes..
and from the very bottom of my heart,i love you very much,
i cant emphasize on how much i love you,all i can say is that from all the universes,
every little square inch,every little square milimeter,if it
was filled with hearts,i would be filled with ur name on it
with my signature of it at the bottom..if u are now to were to have
found a new one to replace me by your side,i would
like to congratulate u even if it hurts me soo much deep inside,
i'd would like for u to stay happy and i wouldnt
want to hurt a healthy relationship of urs,even if
i were die,i would die happy,knowing u stay happy the
way u are..putting up a brave front is so hard if u kno
that u are really crumbling behing that strong wall,
and eventually,that brave front of mine would slowly and surely
topple down together with me...my dear,natasya,i love u soo much,
howd id give anything for u to be back in my arms..

And Finally,i just miss my father?why isnt he alive when im in my
times of needs?howd i just wish that i could just bring him back alive..i cant
talk about him anymore,the last two i mentioned is really
squeezing me,trying make me moisturize my eyes again..

Well Sammy,ive gotta go apply for my ITE course,ill talk to u again later..
keep urself as a secret of mine,to never let anyone know of what
we talked today..well,cya..